Supernatural, last episode of Season 5, that’s what I’m watching after dinner. I’m sitting at the desk, blue Dr. Seuss eraser in hand, I’m erasing everything I’ve written down on my “content calendar” for the year going forward. Why? Because in November I wrote out a full year of “proper” social media content so that I could serve my audience, whoever that ends up being.
I’m listening to the part where their “ending” is being written and my heart skipped a beat, I felt butterflies in my stomach, I started feeling the twinge in my fingers - the feeling I haven’t felt in so long. The feeling that says YOU NEED TO WRITE. YOU HAVE A STORY TO TELL. YOU CAN HELP PEOPLE.
I grab a pencil and start writing out what I want to do for the month. When will I post to the blog? When will new podcast episodes drop? When will I go live on the socials? When do I share something personal? How much do I share? When are “my people” most active, when is the best time for me to reach them, and what do they need from me?
All still while feeling those butterflies, those nerves, that ENERGY that has always allowed my writing to flow. And then the thought came - the question - what is stopping you from writing your blog posts? If writing energizes you, if writing makes you feel like you’re working your purpose, if writing makes you feel like you’re helping people, if writing is what makes you feel aligned...what’s stopping you from doing it?
Because, with all the courses, masterclasses, 5-day challenges, ebooks, and 1:1 coaching sessions I’ve had, I’ve been made to believe two things - “make it messy” and “this is the way to do it”. Well...those two things are pretty contradictory from a business perspective when you think about it. Many of the same coaches saying “make it messy” are saying this is what to post, when, what your word count should be on a blog, how many times you need to go live and for how long, and on and on and on.
What does this have to do with you? Why do you care about the butterflies I get when I even think about writing, but then I don’t put pen to paper - or fingers to keyboard - as the case may be. Because this is what anxiety looks like for many people.
And I’m here, with my story, hoping that something I say - either now or in the future - will help you deal with all that shit swirling around in your head that’s creating this giant block - this hurdle - that’s stopping you from being the best, most authentic, and highest version of yourself.
You know the one, the you who you dreamed of being when you were five years old...the you who had this kick ass life that you never thought wasn’t possible...until anxiety and other people’s bullshit got in the way.
Through most of my childhood and early adult years I succeeded at most things - well, academics and most creative things, anyway. Anything athletic wasn’t really my bag. I didn’t realize that was anxiety. I didn’t realize that my “must succeed” and “do better” and “it’s not good enough” attitude was anxiety - I thought it was determination and drive and I thought everyone was like this and those who weren’t...I didn’t understand them and I even was so bold as to criticize them.
Anxiety has caused me to lose weight, gain weight, get angry, make rash decisions, over analyze everything, brush things under the rug that I should have addressed, get raises, get promotions, compare myself to others, create my best life, create a life of lack, and create a life where I feel like I’m just treading water with my head staying just barely at or above the water line .
I sit and dream these grandiose plans of how I want my business to run and how I want to help so many people.
I dream about a day full of coaching calls with other moms who want to make anxiety their bitch so they can raise happy and well adjusted kids and have healthy relationships with their spouses.
I dream about creating a course that teaches families that healthy eating can be fun and tasty and isn’t about losing weight and isn’t about deprivation, but rather about keeping their gut and brain as healthy as possible and the physical appearance aspect is simply a bonus side effect.
I dream about the podcast reaching thousands - or more - moms who need someone to hear them, someone to talk about the real shit that happens in mom life - not this perfectly curated social media bullshit that makes us all feel like we’re failing miserably.
I dream about having a small team to work all the behind the scenes details of the business, each one working their passion - their talents - getting paid generously and having flexible hours so that they can be there for their kids and feel fulfilled in their careers.
These are some big dreams, I know, and I really do believe that I can help people. But what’s stopping me? What has caused me to start, panic, stop, and spin my wheels for the last couple of years? Anxiety - it’s a mother-effer.
But the one thing that, over the last 30 years, that has always...ALWAYS...helped me conquer my anxiety...has been writing. So, why am I avoiding it? Why am I allowing writing to take a backseat when I know, my heart of hearts, that this is what I need to be consistent with in order to reach and help other moms.
I sit at my keyboard and I write and the thoughts just flow. I rarely have to think about what I’m going to say and, although I’m curious about it, I really don’t concern myself with my word count or if I’m giving some kind of instruction in my article, and if I have hyperlinks to keep you on my website longer.
I’m writing my story - because it’s someone else’s story too - maybe it’s even your story.
So that’s how this is going to go. I’ll be writing what’s on my heart and using what I write to fuel the podcast, social media, emails, and anything else I feel compelled to create.
I really hope something I said today made you feel like someone else knows your struggle. I really hope that you’ll continue to hang out with me on the socials and regularly visit the blog and the podcast.
I want to be your biggest support system and your biggest cheerleader and I want to be the one who tells you it’s okay that you had a shitty morning, a shitty day at work, or even a shitty evening with the family because one day doesn’t define you and you are doing an amazing job handling everything that’s going on in your world.
I’ll see ya’ next week - til then...take a deep breath and remember...you’re a rockstar even on the days you don’t feel like it.