It’s inevitable, really. With both of you handling everything you’re handling, you’re both going to get burnt out.
If you’re lucky, it’ll be at different times.
It will be a situation where one of you can pick up a little extra slack so that the other can relax.
But, because that’s not usually how the universe throws things at us, you’re both probably going to feel the burn out around the same time.
You’re going to be tired, you’re going to get frustrated, nit-picky, and snippy with each other, probably over the tiniest things. I think we can all agree that this isn’t a good way to be.
So, what do you do? How do you successfully deter yourselves from unnecessary conflict?
Before we venture into that realm of relationship navigation, I want to say WELCOME!! I'm so happy you're here. And if you've been burnt out...and if your husband/boyfriend/partner has been burnt out...I FEEL YOU. Check out this other blog post I think you'll find helpful.
This is where you both have to be very self-aware. Aware of your tone, aware of your posturing, aware of your “look”.
And this isn’t to say, you walk on egg shells around on another, you just both need to be hyper-aware of how you’re presenting yourself as well as acknowledging the fact that the other person may not realize how they sound.
Pause a minute before you speak, take a deep breath if needed.
Remember what you are both doing, and why you’re doing it, that you’re both running full speed at this goal that you’ve agreed on.
That you knew going into this adventure, because that’s ultimately what it is, that this was bound to come up at some point in time.
Some people will tell you to have a date night, if that’s what you think will help, then go ahead. A date night might not be necessary, though, or maybe for your situation it’s simply not feasible for whatever reason; no access to a sitter, the hours at work are too long and even take up some weekend time, no funds for a sitter, etc.
I’ve referenced it before, in talking about work situations, but it also helps in the arena of personal relationships.
Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Give the other person the benefit of the doubt
Your reply should not be in the same tone, it should be gentle and even forgiving
Taking this approach, and saying something of this nature, I can almost guarantee will diffuse any unnecessary argument that may be brewing.
And if you approach things this way and still feel the need for a date night, then plan a time to go out.
If those “complications” I mentioned earlier are still in the way, just spend some time together
Odds are once you do this, you may see where the other person was coming from earlier, and the two of you may be able to come to a decision about how to handle something like this when it happens again.
The two of you are partners, you’re a team, and if you don’t work together, everything will likely fall apart.
I keep saying it, and I will say it forevermore, communication is key.
Tone, body language, and self-awareness are all a huge part of communication and they are all essential in a successful life together.
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Hey, I'm Natalie and I'm an author, a wife, and mom of two kids and two dogs.
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